


Take a Hammer and Fix Genm's Games

by DroppedAllTheseOreos



Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 11:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20974889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DroppedAllTheseOreos/pseuds/DroppedAllTheseOreos
Summary: Emu contemplates his boyfriend problems.More specifically, his boyfriend’s problems with his ability to sit in a chair from five feet away, or how he gets launched across rooms on an almost daily basis.





	Take a Hammer and Fix Genm's Games

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MarineHaddock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarineHaddock/gifts).

Kiriya had a problem.

Emu's face scrunched up as he thought about how to deal with it. Honestly, Kiriya wasn't the only one affected; but Kiriya was his main concern, since he seemed to have gotten the brunt of whatever this was. It could've been coincidence, but they both shared knowing looks that blamed 'God' whenever they mentioned this fact.

And, well, Emu knew exactly what 'this' was. He was a gamer, he had to muddle through it in the past himself. Especially since he favored Genm titles as a teen, and their action rpgs were the absolute worst about this. But what was happening with the Bugsters was just... So much different than any other time he'd been confronted with this problem.

"Why the long face, Ace?"

Emu resisted sighing heavily at Kiriya's easygoing tone. He knew exactly why Emu was worrying, and Emu really didn't know how Kiriya could be so calm.

When he realized he wasn't going to get a response, Kiriya went right back to what he was doing before: chugging coffee from the Mighty Action mug Emu gifted him when came back. The only problem with this image is that he was currently in the middle of the table; upper body poking through the surface, the rest of his body underneath, still in a sitting position. Like he was in a chair, casually sitting with Emu, and he didn't just get launched from the couch a few minutes ago. Sometimes a part of his aloha shirt would twitch and wiggle right at the edge of where he was clipping through the table. It was polygonal and continuously flipped like it was trying to figure out which way to orient itself.

The only indication that Kiriya was a little nervous about his situation was the rate at which he was draining coffee from his cup. Usually, he'd take it slow, until his drink was a sticky, room temperature soup of sugar and cream. Like he had all the time in the world.

"My break isn't over until this coffee is over," he'd always say, much to the disappointment of the Kagamis.

But, the last time something like this happened made him much more cautious with his coffee. Last time, he glitched into the ceiling. The coffee's physics were unaffected by whatever laws his body was acting under, and he ended up dumping it all over himself, spilling down his face and raining on the unfortunates below. Unfortunates, happening to be Hiiro. The coffee splattered all over him, messing up his neatly styled hair and staining his signature, pristine, baby blue shirt, completely soaking his head and shoulders. The spray got all over the table, too. And Important Documents about Bugster vaccines and their distribution. Nico found it all hilarious, especially when Kiriya was finally freed from his glitch imposed time out, landing right on top of Taiga and Emu. Only after they finished their meeting.

Because, of course, they had to shout the whole thing up to him before he was finally free. Everything in Emu's life would only be convenient when it would be the funniest at his expense.

It was a miracle that the coffee hadn't spilled a drop when Kiriya slid across the ground to the center of the table today. But they both knew it was only a matter of time where his physics finally started acting under real-world laws again and fell through the table. Or, he glitched out again, and got launched into the diagnostic machine, or stuck in a wall.

Emu sighed heavily, trying to focus on his work as Kiriya set the empty mug down, far, far away from himself, with a relieved sigh. Emu was actually writing up a report about this very problem. Things like this happened with all the Bugsters. Sometimes they'd find Parad stuck in a walk cycle, going nowhere, occasionally slowing down or skipping parts of the loop. Emu was familiar with dropped frames and things like this, but it was absolutely bizarre to see in real life. His speech would get staticky and falter in time with his lag, and Emu worried that those terrible dial-up noises would haunt his nightmares forever.

They found Taiga cowering outside of the break room once. When they entered, Poppy was facing the wall in a T pose, sliding across the floor in a stuttering pattern, with Nico trying to wrangle her into a chair. When Nico was finally able to get Poppy turned around, her face was terrifyingly blank. Emu wasn't surprised Taiga was freaked out, he would be, too, if that was the first thing he saw entering a room.

Graphite, the bastard, actually found out a way to use his glitches to his advantage. When the CR team interviewed him about it, he explained how he figured out how to use the glitches to dodge out of the way of attacks or come in at more strategic angles.

"So cheating." Taiga had deadpanned.

Of course, this had enraged Graphite, and he ended up arguing with the CR team for almost an hour about their previous fights and if they were "honorable" or not. When they all turned to Kiriya for his take, he shrugged and gave Graphite a soft smirk.

"Sounds like a legit strategy to me. It's tough to control this thing, honestly. So if Graphite can make it work..." And then he shrugged, redirecting his focus to his tiny, tiny laptop.

Graphite had looked so surprised that Kiriya sided with him he ended the fight right there, uncaring if everyone else called it cheating. Emu wasn't sure what to do with that knowledge, but they hadn't really interacted since then, so he'd have time to talk to Kiriya about it later.

Kuroto, (un)surprisingly (depending on who you asked), suffered the least glitches. The team figured it had to do with his "settings" getting "reset" every time he died. They also proposed a theory that each new Kuroto was like a "version up" and therefore got rid of bugs of the previous versions. There were a lot of questions surrounding his case, but no one was exactly jumping to ask him about it.

Everything they found was important since it could possibly apply to the people they brought back from the protogashats. They needed to know how much of an inconvenience it would be for the revived and if there would be any ways to alleviate the problems.

Just as Emu was starting to journal his experiences with Bugster glitches from this week, Kiriya's "physics" decided now was the time to freak out.

And out of all the directions he could've been launched, it had to be right at Emu's face. Emu yelped and tried to jump out of the way. But he tripped over his own feet, slamming into the table at an awkward angle and crashing to the floor.

He laid there, groaning in pain for a few moments before pushing himself to sit up.

"Well, this is awkward." Kiriya chuckled nervously.

He sounded much closer than Emu anticipated, and from an angle he didn't expect. His head was still spinning and tingly from the fall and head rush of sitting up, so it could be his mind playing tricks on him. But it really sounded like Kiriya's voice was right below him—

No.

No, no, no.

This couldn't be happening.

Kiriya smirked, a playful gleam dancing in his eyes. He seemed completely unfazed that his torso was "lodged" in Emu's, so Kiriya's head and shoulders were seemingly emerging from his chest. Orange and white pixels vibrated and sparkled from where they were merged. It didn't feel like anything, no pain or even a bit of electric current. Still, his brain was panicking because the boyfriend does not belong in the rib cage, even if he has your heart. It's supposed to be metaphorical.

"When you asked me to 'be inside you,' a few days ago, I didn't expect to be doing it this way. And at work, too. Scandalous."

"Kiriya, SHUT UP!"


End file.
